11th

11th.
Action please! ):

Some words from the bottom of my heart.

Well, I've been have mood swing since I came to Poly.
At first, happy happy, then went moody.
I got to know new friends but somehow whenever they see me, I'm never smiling.
They say I look 'dao!' or fierce.
I'm always feeling moody although sometimes I'll smile.
But mostly, I'll just give the 'I'm moody' face.
I didn't want it too.

I use to smile a lot, laugh a lot, happy go lucky.
I wasn't so sensitive to things, I wasn't so emotional.
But what happen ? I seriously have no idea.
I'm often feeling sad, keep having problems with my body.
My stomach, the vomiting problem, headache.
Imagine you feel like vomiting after you finish your food ?
Imagine yourself feeling hungry but can't even finish your food ?
People may feel that I'm acting, but these problems really am haunting me.

I'm always having suicidal thoughts.
Always thinking, "what if I die tomorrow?"
I'm always feeling negative, having negative thoughts.
When will they stop ?
People say I'm thinking too much. And I agreed.
I've been feeling sad.
People got tired of me feeling sad everyday because it's too much.
I knew it's too much too.
So much so that it's as if I'm just faking my emotions.

Somtimes, I just want words of concern, or just a hug ?
Because it will definitely make me feel better.
Maybe I just want people's care and concern.
Maybe I got them, but somehow I can't feel it ?
I feel like crying every night.

Affairs of the heart is another problem.
It is always the priority in my mind.
Sometimes I'm thinking, what if I can turn back time?
I will turn back to 22nd May.
I will pause it, then replay it again.
I will never want to undo it, because what's done is done.

Sometimes I feel that no one is listening.
I want someone to talk to.
Someone who will not be sick of me always being sad.
Someone who will, be there just listening to me talk.
Someone who will be there just to listen to me cry.
Just, a someone will do.

How am I feeling now?
No idea.

Keep pushing on and keep moving.
Somehow, we're so draggy now.